HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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