I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
