i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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