porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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