Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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