I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
