hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
