So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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