This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
