Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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