dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize