no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You smell like stripper and shame
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
