yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
