Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
