i wish my penis had a tongue
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
