The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
