So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
