totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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