The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
