I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
