Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
