Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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