I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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