He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
