All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
