And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
