i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
