Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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