Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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