My pussy is not your playground.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
