Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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