Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
