Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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