Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
