watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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