forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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