I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
