Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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