3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
