I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize