His pubic hair was longer than his dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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