He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
