nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
