THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
