I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
