You're my little dorito
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
