he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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