You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
