Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
