I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
