Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
