First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
