I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
