I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
