smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
