I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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