Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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