I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
