he thought i was a dude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
