In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
