Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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