She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's get the cat blown out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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