She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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