im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
false alarm, still single
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