Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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