All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
