I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
