Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
