one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
