i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
