Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
