Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You made out with two different species that night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
