Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
