Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
