Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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