so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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