I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
